Beowulf

Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Robin Wright Penn, Jonh Malkovich, Angelina Jolie, Brendan Gleeson, Crispin Glover

Dir. Robert Zemeckis
Scr. Neil Gaiman & Roger Avary (based on the poem of the same name)

When I first heard that Beowulf was being made into a movie directed by the extremely competent Robert Zemeckis, adapted by literary god Neil Gaiman, and starring grizzly and talented Ray Winstone in the lead, I nearly wet my pants in anticipation. Beowulf is a tremendous tale of bravery and monsters and greed and all that good stuff. But then, horror of horrors, I found out that it was going to be animated! WHAT!?! I mean, I have nothing against animation per se, but why waste such a director, such a writer, such a cast on animation? Why not bite the bullet and do the all-real, all-action adaptation that this tale so deserves? Well, while I still think a live action film could have been amazing, this Beowulf film exceeded my expectations and I was thoroughly entertained, grossed out, frightened and thrilled.

I have to offer a word of advice however – if at all humanly possible, see it in 3-D. I was sceptical about the poxy glasses but, my god, never have I been more wrong. Live action, 3D Beowulf – now that would have been something special.

Beowulf tells the story of a town terrorised by the monster Grendel and his mother, and the hero, Beowulf, who comes to save the day and finds himself mixed up in the whole sorry business of man’s greedy thirst for power and fame. The story of Beowulf was originally told in an Old English epic poem and set in the 5th and 6th century. It’s a ripper of a story and adapted well by Gaiman and Avary. I’m not sure how faithful it is to the poem and, to be honest, I’m never going to read it so I’m never going to know. But I do know it’s a bloody and gory telling, but it also has heart and smarts (but, thankfully, no animated sex).

My beef with this movie is not the writing, but the medium. As I said, I am not anti-animation. But I just wondered why you would slave away trying to make the characters look so life-like … why not use the actors and make a live-action film? I know, I know – it costs less and you can make a cartoon Winstone do more than a real-life Winstone. I know! And maybe, as some critics have suggested, this is the future of film-making. Well, I hope not.

I did like the way in which Beowulf didn’t look like Ray Winstone – that Winstone’s essence was captured in a character that instead looked like a heroic muscleman. So, WHY THEN, do we have Grendel’s mother looking EXACTLY like Angelina Jolie!??! The audience in my screening laughed (yes, laughed out loud) when she emerged from the water. So, for Beowulf (and pretty much all the other characters) the animators really worked hard to make the character believable … but, apparently, Grendel’s mother WAS Jolie. It bugged me, in case you can’t tell.

The 3D rendering was very, very good indeed. I was dodging ceilings and flying bodies; I yelped when an object appeared to drop from nowhere before my eyes; I even reached out to touch something that wasn’t there. It worked well and I wouldn’t even want to contemplate seeing this film in 2D or on a small screen.

So, Beowulf was pretty good. It wasn’t the live-action, cinematic masterpiece I was initially hoping it would be. And I will forever feel a little ripped off by that. But, in the end, I was entertained and the film-makers weaved a compelling tale. It’s not for everyone’s taste, that’s for sure, and it’s gorier than I thought animation could be. But if you fancy a bit of epic fantasy story-telling, then give Beowulf a go. But only in 3D.

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Beowulf: I am Ripper... Tearer... Slasher... Gouger. I am the Teeth in the Darkness, the Talons in the Night. Mine is Strength... and Lust... and Power! I AM BEOWULF!